Are You Talking to Me?

I admit it. I like Facebook. In fact, I like it so much I’ve been accused of being on it “all the time.” However, I beg to disagree. While I may check it more frequently than others due to being on my home computer more this year than I have ever been in my life, that doesn’t mean I am “on it” every moment of the day. I like to spend time with friends, to take photographs or a walk in my neighborhood, to attend seminars and exchange ideas with others. I like to learn new skills and explore new places.

And then there’s my cell phone. It’s not fancy. It’s an old flip phone; one that I can use to call people with or send a text message to, or even send a photo from time to time. Other than that, it’s just a phone. However, I only got it a few years ago in case I was either a) stranded somewhere because my car broke down or b) got lost and needed to call someone to get redirected or c) in case I was going to be running late and wanted to call someone on my way to meet them. Otherwise, for 29 years of my life I existed, JUST FINE, without having a portable phone.

All this being said, I do not have a problem with all this connectivity, HOWEVER, I find that nowadays people are on their phones – calling, texting, twittering or updating their Facebook status - and not really always aware of their surroundings or the people around them. They do it when they are at the register of a store having a purchase rung up or ordering food, they do it when they are driving in the car or sitting in a restaurant with a friend, and they do it when they are walking down the street with another person. It seems to me that all of us are just so involved with our technology that perhaps we are losing sight of the fact that we have friends who are right there with us and sometimes it’s nice to talk to the person you are with and only answer the phone or make a call if it’s an emergency. Perhaps we can put away our phones or not be constantly preoccupied with who might be calling us or texting us or getting in touch with us and remember we’ve got people right in front of us who want to talk to us, hang out with us and just spend time with us.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this? I’m just curious…

No Stopping Me Now!

I'm in full writing mode now. The music's cranking, the fingers are moving fluidly along the keyboard and words are forming on the page. It's amazing. These folks at NanoWriMo say that you can have an outline for your novel, or you can just randomly type and see what happens. Well, I'm the latter. I tried to write an outline but I am not someone who can see the end. I can definitely see the beginning and I know some of the turns along the way, but the end, is well, daunting to me. I just don't know where my characters are going to end up.

Therefore let the adventure continue. I am just typing along and getting excited by the surprise of what starts to develop in front of me. I think this is going to be a good learning experience for me - the ultimate list maker and planner - in not only forcing myself to write every day (something, as a writer, I should just naturally do) but also to see what I can create on the fly and without so much pressure on myself to be perfect. To not have to map out, diagram and prepare for every situation, every event, every move I make, or even my protagonist makes, for that matter.

Maybe I will really amaze myself by the end of this month. Anyone else doing something in November that they are embarking upon for the first time? Want to share with me? I'd love to gain inspiration and hear those stories.

My Mission If I Choose to Accept It...

"Begin with the end in mind." Good advice from all my writing professors but somehow, when I sit here, at my computer and try to type a NOVEL, not a short story, not a poem, but a NOVEL, one that I have to write in 30 days (less, now that I started it 3 days into this adventure) is SO HARD.

When I saw the ad for Nanowrimo - National Novel Writing Month - on Mediabistro, I thought why the heck not? I have some time, I need to motivate myself to write more often, and I always say I'm working on my novel. Well, what better way to do this than to participate in a contest that entails you to write a novel in 30 days - 50,000 words long - and submit it to a panel who will not judge you for content but rather for quantity?

The next day, upon reflection of my hasty action, I'm thinking I may have had a nice plate of crazy yesterday. But, that being said, I am going forth with this task. I know I can do it - even if right now I feel like ripping my hair out of my head and screaming at the top of my lungs - because I'm a writer, I like to tell stories, and at least, at the end of the month, I can feel like I've accomplished something.

I'll leave the worrying about editing the mess I've created until December. And that's per the instruction I was given from the nice folks at Nanowrimo.

Now I'm going to go forth and write! Feel free to join me in this excursion...it's not too late! For more details on the insanity, visit National Novel Writing Month.

Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of…

Ever have those times when you recall a memory of a time or a place or an event, maybe it’s brought on by a song, or a line in a movie, or just by something you overhear in a diner, and that “trigger” leads to a “place” you haven’t visited in awhile. Sometimes it’s a place that you smile fondly at when you remember back to that time – whether it was having ice cream on a summer afternoon with friends, taking a hike up a hill with a pal, or even just having a long chat with a buddy you hadn’t seen in a long time – and in that flash of that particular moment, you feel happy. You let that scene play out in front of you, and are content.

But what about those other times, those few seconds that seem to last an eternity, when you start to think back to an evening or perhaps an encounter where in a mere moment, you said something or did something that changed the course of your future in a most unpleasant way. And, when you are brought back to that spot, to that situation, you replay it over and over again, not because you want to, but because you can’t seem to get it out of your head. Because in that instant you just wish you could go back, and do or say something different, something that will inexplicably “fix” whatever error you made, signal you sent forward, message you conveyed, that messed up the course of that friendship, that relationship, forever.

Anyone else know what I’m talking about?

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

We all do it, at one time or another – we worry. This worry can be over something real or imagined; in front of us or something we create in our minds.

Worry means, according to Webster’s New World Dictionary, to harass or treat roughly with or as with continual biting or tearing with the teeth; to pluck at, push on, touch, etc. repeatedly in a nervous or determined way; to annoy, bother, harass, vex, etc.; to cause to feel troubled or uneasy; make anxious; distress.

I think that last definition: to cause to feel troubled or uneasy; make anxious; distress, really describes my feelings, as of late. I seem to be unable to calm my mind – I am constantly on edge. I know it’s a plethora of troubles – personal and professional – and I know the best thing to do is not worry, but I can’t help it, it’s part of my nature.

I know that worrying doesn’t help anything. Often times it leads us to believe things that aren’t true. For me, my mind is good at coming up with all sorts of false scenarios that I believe must be true. I work myself up into a frenzy and convince myself that this idea, this concept I have created, is real. Then I focus all my energy onto it and hold on tight. It looms over me, lurks around every corner, every crevice of my mind. I get myself all tense and it’s awful. I just can’t relax or “get a grip.” I tend to pace the floor and often times I cry. What’s worse is I tend to talk my friends ears off over and over about the problems I am worrying about and then worry about that as well – that I will alienate them.

But, I am trying to think of ways to ease my stress. I am learning that exercising, being around people who make me smile and laugh, and trying to control the parts of my world, my life, my thinking that I can, I will. And remember, that this too, shall pass.

Anyone else out there worrying about anything? If so, I’d love to hear your remedies for easing that burden.

What Do You Value?

In these tough economical times, with so many people unemployed and those that are employed constantly doing everything they can to keep in that way, everyone seems to be cutting back. People are living with less, or trying to save more and figure out what they can live without.

Restaurants are offering all sorts of deals, at least in my area, to encourage people to eat out. They have "Restaurant Week" where various establishments are offering a choice of an appetizer, a meal and a dessert for $20.09. And there aren't many places where you can go these days and get a three-course meal for that price. So, it's appealing for friends and couples to go out and "splurge."

I know many of my friends and I are looking for ways to be more thrify by engaging in activities such as walking, having a glass of wine at each other's places, or meeting to discuss a book. We are learning that it is not always about going out or spending tons of money in order to have fun. And, truthfully, I think many of us have always felt that way.

When times are tough I think while we feel strain on our purse strings, we look towards what we have control over - growing the bonds of friendship, spending time with our loved ones, taking better care of ourselves. It helps us feel more positive by surrounding ourselves with those who matter most to us.

At least that's the one of the lessons I've taken away during this past year.

Therefore, I pose these thoughts to all of you: What do you value? What can you live without? How are you handling the current recession? Any advice or insights to share?

Try New Things...

Hello and welcome to October! Here in New England the leaves are changing from green to red to yellow and orange. Such beautiful colors and a refreshing new look to the landscape.

As the season changes, as the scenery morphs into something "new" it reminds me that I, too, can mold myself. I'm an everchanging being. We all are.

There's an expression, "Live today like it's your last day." Maybe that's a hard concept to follow all the time, but it's something to think about.Whether it's trying a new drink or teaching a class, don't hesitate to say yes, even if you are uncertain of the results. I didn't know if I would like my pumpkin spice latte but it was delightful. And I haven't taught my class yet, but since a voice that sounded just like myself answered a resounding "YES!" when asked if I would be interested in developing and teaching a class, I realized that I can surprise myself all the time. And while the idea of speaking in front of others makes my palms sweat and my heart beat really fast, I believe that I can do it.

So, here's where I extend my thoughts forward to all of you - what are you going to say yes to this week? Or this month? You might just be excited by the outcome.

Rebirth

Do you ever have one of those days? Or even one of those weeks? The ones where you feel like nothing is going your way? You always seem to say the wrong thing, or you can't seem to get yourself moving in the right direction? Maybe you are striding forward physically but inside of you it feels like your thoughts and actions are in slow motion? That's been me for the past week or two. Just not sure where to go, what to do, who I am, what I want out of my life.

But, in the reality of this "down" period, I know that it is only temporary. I do know who I am and what I want, but I've hit the proverbial "brick wall" within myself and can't seem to push forward. And sometimes it takes a force outside my own psyche to get me to reach down, find those crevices or cracks in that wall and start pulling them apart, brick by brick. To uncover something undiscovered about myself. Since it's me living with me on a constant one-on-one basis it's hard to give myself new ideas when I feel like that's all I continually do - search for inspiration on what angles or actions will prove more fruitful results - whether to move me forward in my job search or how to approach situations in my personal life.

A friend once said to me, on a really awful day in my past, "You can either look at today as the worst day ever OR you can think about this as the day when your life starts again." And, that's what I'm doing today.

I met with a friend, who I have not seen in quite some time, and it was one of the most wonderful conversations I've ever had. We shared ideas, exchanged stories about similar situations we are facing, and really ignited a new bond. One I hope will continue for many years to come. And while it was only a few hours on a cloudy Wednesday morning, it made it feel as if the sun was shining brightly, the proverbial sky had opened and all of a sudden, I was ready to get out there and get moving! And not in slow motion!

So, today is a new day. A day that is the start of something amazing. A new me. Someone who realizes there will be more grey days in the future, but that I can still find inspiration in my friends, my family or perhaps even someone I meet at a library seminar. The possibilities are endless.

And I believe that for everyone. I pose the question: What's holding you back in your life? I say go find that friend, that relative, or even that place that inspires you and visit with them or spend time in that place and regroup, reconnect, and rouse your spirits into a rebirth of your own!

Wonder and Whimsy

A little girl saved my life today.

On my morning walk, I was strolling around the neighborhoods near my home. I had my iPod nano's earbuds tucked tight into my earlobes and I was getting into my groove. My mind was jumping from new ideas on how to brand myself to prior conversations I had with my friends, and I was thinking of my future and all of a sudden I could feel my chest tighten.

How was I going to do all that I wanted and what if things didn't work out like I had always hoped they would? I began to ponder this thought a little bit too deeply and get myself "wrapped around the axle" as one of my friends likes to say to me. Luckily I was looking around and just happened to see the cutest little girl, probably around three to four years of age, with blond curls, sitting barefoot on her parents' front porch step, coloring joyfully. As I passed her on the sidewalk, she suddenly looked up from her artwork and smiled this big smile at me. So, I waved at her and she waved back and giggled.

And then, I giggled.

As quickly as the moment happened, she was gone. Scampering back into the house with her book, probably to show her mom her handiwork. But the moment didn't last as quickly for me. The image of this smiling, jubilent child stayed with me all day.

It was like she was telling me, "Have fun. Relax. Enjoy life." In some ways I felt like she was me at that age, full of enthusiasm and energy, not worrying about anything more than when daddy's coming home from work or where my favorite toy was.

I wanted to treasure that moment. That gift she gave me. If not for her, who knows where my mind would have taken me. And I'm grateful for having taken that walk and met this little angel. She will never know what she's done, but I will.

Remember, sometimes the people we smile at might need it more than we do. It's not so hard to do, right? I hope, no matter what your mindset is today, you will think back to days when you may have been more carefree and let those moments guide you to be a bit more relaxed and joyous in the present.

Strolling with Grandma to See the Alligators

Hello my dear readers,

Today I spent the better part of my day with my family -- my parents, my aunts, my uncles and my cousins. We came together to mourn and celebrate the life of my beloved Grandma Elsie. She passed away peacefully on Monday, after a full 89 years of life.

Now, for those of you who didn't know her, she was a very special woman. She grew up in North Carolina, became a nurse in the Army, met my Granddad, a fellow Army officer, and fell in love. They married and moved to Connecticut. And after more than six decades of living up North, she never lost her Southern drawl. That, or her zest for life and the ability to tell wonderful stories. She was a great fan of hummingbirds, mallard ducks and alligators. Alligators?

Yes, alligators. The ones that live in the streams and creeks around the Elmwood section of West Hartford, CT. That's where my Grandma Elsie lived. You didn't know there were alligators in Connecticut? Let me tell you a story.

When I was a kid, my Grandma Elsie used to take me on strolls around her neighborhood. She did this with all six of her grandchildren. It was a timely ritual. She would hold our hands, hum little tunes and listen to us as we told her about whatever was on our minds.

On our walks we would pass many little ripples of water, bubbling over small and large stones, trickling along quietly. And my Grandma Elsie would stop, tell me I had to be very quiet as we looked, amazed, at the water below. "Don't you see them?" she would ask. "See what?" I know I was in awe. What were we looking for down below?

"Shhh. Look closely. Did you see it? The alligator?"

I would crane my neck, stand on tip toe, almost lose my balance as I leaned on the metal fence, all that stood between me and the ferocious creatures living languidly in their peaceful suburban sanctity, as I tried and tried and tried to see these reptiles. And I would strain and stretch my body as far as I could take it. I'd shade my eyes when the sun was in them. I would tilt my head to the side ever so slightly and squint. But somehow I never saw an alligator.

After a few minutes of the search, I would reveal my disappointment at having missed them. Grandma Elsie would just smile and say, "Maybe you didn't see them today, but perhaps next time you will." And on every walk, it was the same game. But, even as I got older, and realized perhaps the alligators could only be seen with my imagination, I still can't help but look down at streams, rivers and other bodies of water in the streets near where I live to try to see if there are any alligators.

I mean, why not right?

With a heavy, yet hopeful heart, I let the angels lift you up to heaven, Grandma Elsie. You were loved and will always be loved. Thank you for introducing me to the alligators. But more importantly, thank you for inspiring me to always see beyond what's right in front of me and realize how powerful my dreams can be.

Luck

Anyone feeling superstitious? It's 09/09/09. It's just a date. A Wednesday in September, right? But somehow there's a whole lotta hoopla associated with the fact it's the same number three times. To me, it's just kind of a cool coincidence. My paternal grandmother was born on 12/12/12 and a friend of mine was born 6/6/66.

To numerologists, mathematicians, or those who study astrology it may mean something more. In some cultures I read that it's a lucky day to get married.

I find it fascinating by what we believe brings about luck, happiness, good things. Some people carry around a particular item like a rabbit's foot or perhaps if they are an athlete they may wear the same socks that they wore when they hit a home run, won a race, made a touchdown. I find no harm in that. I mean, if it makes us happy or feel more powerful, why not right? I admit I've been known to wear a particular outfit because I feel so good when I'm wearing it or follow the same routine when it led to a more productive outcome on another day.

Do any of you have certain things you wear or carry, patterns you follow or actions you take that you find bring you good luck? Or maybe you think it's all hooey? I'd be curious to hear what you all think.

*Image from Google, The Garden Helper.com

Baby Steps...

(Recommended song to listen to while reading: Feist, I Feel It All)

Patience, forgiveness, a better body – all these things can take time to be achieved.

And everyone has those goals in their lives that they want to reach. But each of us has our own road blocks that seem to hinder us in the process. Those obstacles, or in some case, brick walls, that we run across that stop us from getting to where we want or need to get to. And we all know what they are for us. Perhaps our fears of failure, or a past experience or person is holding us back?

I know, speaking for myself, I wish for a new job, a published novel and a pair of Manolo Blahniks. These are all things I can achieve, but they aren’t going to happen overnight. I need to keep networking, applying to online job boards and working hard to promote myself in order to get a new job. I need to keep writing and eventually shop my finished manuscript to a publisher. And in order to strut my stuff in the fancy footwear I crave, I need to save more money.

But the expression states: Good things come to those who wait. Really, is this true? We have to WAIT for good things? They don’t just occur, like sunny days and giggling babies? I mean, according to this expression we shouldn’t do anything if we want to have good things in our lives. We should just sit and ponder about those dreams. And then, these goals we set, these items we crave, these needs we have will just be fulfilled.

Or perhaps I’m taking the saying a bit too literally. I think maybe it's a good thing for us to take it one day at a time in order to get to that place, own that item or meet that goal we’ve set for ourselves. Every day we should spend just a little time towards these ambitions and then we can get closer and closer to those good things. Might help us get to know ourselves and what we value just a little bit better.

In my experience many of us tend to hold onto things we don’t really need, or keep surrounding ourselves with people that we’ve outgrown, just because they are what we’re used to or comfortable with having around. Why do we keep the familiar and hesitate to embrace the unknown?

I want to be that person who can overcome my failings and learn something from my mistakes. I am striving every day to become someone who can wait for good things (while working bit by bit to get there), be more forgiving when I am hurt or feel that I’ve been wronged, and do my best to get my body stronger and leaner.

And while I may not be able to get everything I want, I will try to be happy with what I have. For now, I just have to take it one day at a time.

Dancing in September...

As the temperature begins to get cooler, the birds start to fly south and the kids go back to school, it's a sign that September is here. Now, I know the official start to fall isn't for a few weeks, but just the changing of the months from August to September, puts me in a nostalgic mood. I remember the days of picking out new outfits to wear, storing t-shirts, shorts and flip flops in a drawer and pulling out sweaters, chorduroy pants and loafers. Or packing up the car with various crates, clothes and electronic devices for the trek back to college.

For me it's a time of hope. My mind wanders back to how I felt as a kid or a teenager. The prospect of a new year that begins in September. New adventures to be had, new people to meet, maybe even the possibility of a new romance. Something about September makes me ready for change and optimistic that it's just around the corner.

New television programs and new episodes of favorite shows begin as the calendar pages flip forward to the ninth month. School buses are everywhere causing traffic to slow down a bit on back roads and highways while people are trying to get to their offices. In the evenings, the sound of children's laughter echoes more prominently as they try to hold on to those last few weeks of daylight before it turns dark. And the night starts to come sooner, just a little bit darker earlier and earlier every night.

Yes, it's only September 2, but I'm excited at the idea of what the rest of this month, and in turn, the upcoming new season, will bring. Anyone else craving a new notebook to write in or a new addition to their wardrobe as we watch the peeking of bright colors on the trees in our neighborhoods?

Working for the Weekend…The “Magic” of Fridays

It’s a rainy Friday. And somehow the cool, wet weather is not putting a damper on my mood at all.

I love Fridays. If someone were to ask me what my favorite day of the week was, I’d say Friday. It’s a day full of possibilities.

No matter how the 9-5 portion of the day turned out – deadlines met or customers satisfied – when the day is done, and the weekend begins, you can just feel the atmosphere around you morph into hope, excitement and opportunity.

There’s just this vibe that is in the air. People are more friendly, smiles on their faces, a spring in their step. I find people are more eager to get somewhere but despite their rush to “start the party” they will be kinder in traffic, or walking down the street.

Maybe it’s just me, but even as someone who is not frequenting a traditional office, I still spend the majority of my time working hard, sitting in front of a computer, making phone calls, visiting the library or attending seminars, and by the end of the week, I’m ready for the weekend. The idea of the “clean slate” or two days to myself to get all the “other” things I want to do accomplished, is such an intoxicating concept.

I understand that not every weekend is open wide and many things can be scheduled. Whether meeting friends, going away on a trip, having guests stay at your place or just trying a new restaurant, no matter what is going on, weekends tend to be a time to rejuvenate the soul, energize the spirit and remind us all that life is not just about work.

Me, a Grown Up? Hmmm...

The other day I was having lunch with a dear friend. She encouraged me to enter a writing contest being held by one of her favorite magazines. The topic, to be described in 1,500 words is: "When did you first realize that you had become a grown up?"

I'm not sure I feel like I am one. A grown up. Truly. There are so many days when I will refer to people who are around my parents' age as "grown ups" but can't seem to make the correlation, that I, too, am a grown up. What does being "grown up" mean? When we reach a certain height? A certain age? A particular milestone? Is it the day we own something such as a car, a piece of property, or when we combine our lives, monetarily, emotionally, and sometimes by name with someone else?

I guess this is the question being posed. Not only for me to answer if I am going to submit anything to this contest, and I really want to, but maybe it's a question I'm putting out there so if anyone has any thoughts or perhaps their own revelation on when you felt you became a grown up, I'd love to hear 'em!

Everybody Wants to Rule (Their) World

Choices. We make them every day. Some small, like what to have for breakfast or what we wear to work. Some much larger, such as who we marry, what religion we follow, or what career we practice.

Lately I've been pondering the choices I've made in my life. If I hadn't gone to a particular school, taken the jobs I did, volunteered at the events I have, would I be surrounded by a much different group of people? Would I be living elsewhere? Would I be more successful? How would my life be?

And the truth is, I'll never know. Maybe I'd be right where I am now.

I'm certain if someone had asked me a decade or so ago where I'd be at 34-years-old I wouldn't have predicted being unemployed and living in Connecticut. And, as many of you know, who follow my blog (thank you), I have had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking these past few months. And I'm starting to come to this conclusion: every day the decisions I make, the things I do, they ARE my life.

I have to stop "waiting" for it to begin. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Therefore EVERY day I am getting up and knowing that I'm already living MY life and trying not to wonder so much about the future. The best I can do is work hard, know what makes me happy and in essence, go with my gut. As I just read, "Bring your life to life: stop planning, start doing."

I like that. I mean, taking action produces results. Sometimes we have control over the actions we take but not always what happens after that. Therefore it's hard to plan too much, but if we don't do anything, nothing will come of it. As Thomas Edison so wisely stated: "If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."

So, that's my goal: do more. And maybe I'll not only astound myself, but perhaps a few others along the way.

And She'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun Till Her Daddy Takes Her T-Bird Away...

Ah, summertime. My favorite time of the year. A time of heat, of relaxation, long walks, trips to the beach, vacation excursions, short skirts, flip flops, tan lines, iced tea and lots of time outside. It's the time of year where you almost escape from the grind, sometimes even take a trip down memory lane. And for me, that trip includes frequenting classic car shows.

There is something magical about seeing these amazing machines with all their intricate details, curves, bright colors, fierce roaring engines as they come down the street or line the pavement. I feel like I am engrossed in a part of history.
Not only do I enjoy admiring these mechanical works of art, I relish the time I spend capturing their images with my camera while talking to the owners of the vehicles. One gentleman, in his late 70s, told me about his 1940s Buick Truck and how he only takes it out for shows and to take his new lady (his wife had died several years ago) courting in. When I admired one guy's porche, he informed me it was his dad's - he pointed to an older gentleman sitting in a chair curbside - and how it was his job now to drive his dad to shows in it because his dad couldn't drive it any longer. I asked if I could take on that job sometime!

One guy, who owned a blue stingray corvette, saw me taking pictures of the car and wanted me to sit inside so he could take a picture of me. While I declined his offer - the outside of the car was a lot more breathtaking than the inside - he went on to tell me he'd been through three marriages and two houses but somehow this car remained in his life. Hmmmmm...

Lucky for me, I've been spoiled because my uncle has a '64 Chevy Impala SS convertible and a friend of mine owns a '65 Buick Electra 225. This gives me the opportunity, on occasion, to actually get to ride around in a classic beauty. It is such a thrill to hear the rumble of the engine and to have people stare as we drive past them.

I've had several guys ask me, "Which one's yours?" at smaller shows. Gosh, I wish I had one, but I tell them that I'm just scoping out which model I will strive to own one day. As one lady told me - she owns a Mustang and her husband owns a '63 Chevy Impala - I hope that someday (soon) you'll get your dream car - the one that gives you goosebumps and makes you feel like the coolest chick in the world!

So, that's my goal. Perhaps one day I'll be writing about MY car!

The Creative Process

After starting this personal project almost a month ago, I FINALLY finished my latest collage. I'm inserting a picture of my masterpiece, "Pretty in Pink."

I wanted to display some photos I took as I was making this collage to document the process I go through in order to create one of these. As you can see, the last photo demonstrates how I really moved images around to end up with a completely different design than I started out with.

Over the years, as I honed my craft, I started to make certain rules for myself. I never use newspaper clippings -- the paper quality is too flimsy. I never really have a theme in mind, but now I'm trying to use a color scheme so I can help myself narrow down the final selections. I'm very particular about how pictures and words overlap. I don't like "edges" and still struggle with utilizing every inch of space on the posterboard. But I feel like I'm getting there.

With each new collage I make, I get inspired to be "fresh" and innovative. Ultimately I want it to "say" something about me or perhaps even for me, that I may have trouble verbalizing, but I also like the idea that each person who views one of my collages, has his or her own interpretation of what it means, symbolizes or states to them. I'd love to hear what people feel when they first read, look at and absorb my latest masterpiece.

I enjoy expressing myself in this medium. It gives me a sense of control, making those choices for which words, phrases, pictures, etc make the final cut, but also gives me the chance to speak to the world through those clippings that catch my eye. It's cool to use so many different images -- whether of a model, a celebrity, a cartoon, a flower or one of my own photos -- and the various quotes, sayings, ad lines from magazines or brochures, postcards, etc that capture my attention and meld them all together in a way that actually says something when I'm done, is an amazing experience for me.

Now that this one is finished, I can't wait to start on my next one! Anyone else have a passion or hobby they want to share?

My Life is Like a Movie, Full of Odd Characters and Complex Storylines

It occurred to me today that I am in charge of my destiny, no one else. What a revolutionary thought huh?

In the past few weeks I've received interesting, unexpected packages in the mail, been whisked away on a surprise last minute getaway by a handsome man, read some fascinating stories, met new people, learned how to create myself as a "brand" and made plans for an exciting vacation to a place I've never ventured to see friends I miss very much. And in 4 days it's a new month!

And while there have been some pretty big "lulls" in the action of my life, I am psyched to see where the next few weeks will take me, or should I say where I'll take myself, ha ha!

I have a feeling by this time next month I may be on my way to a whole new place -- complete with an innovative cast of players and even more adventures to partake in! Check back here for an update!

Cusp

Boy this New England weather is something, eh? One minute the sun is shining brightly and the next it's overcast and grey. Today it's in the 70s and tomorrow it's predicted for rain and 50 degree weather.

The ups and downs with the temperature remind me of how I've been feeling lately. Good and bad. Happy and sad. A mixture of many emotions. Mostly positive ones, ones that will lead me somewhere new. The first step is that I am starting to compare myself less to others and focus more on what I want.

I guess you could say I'm not good with change, but I'm starting to accept that it's a fact of life. Cliche, I know, but true. And even still, I think it's a good thing. If every day was the same, if everyone we met always wore the exact same thing every day, said the same thing everytime we saw them, if the weather never fluctuated, if the world was stagnant, imagine how boring that would be. I mean, really.

So, in and of itself, change can be hard. But truthfully, I'm ready for it. I'm on the cusp of something great...possibly a new opportunity, possibly a new journey, or possibly something more. I feel like I am full of energy and can conquer the world. Something's in the air - I know it. Ever feel that way?

Great Opportunities

Good evening everyone. I've been thinking about chances lately. Taking them, and letting them pass us by.

I found this quote: “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” And I can't get it out of my head. The idea that we are letting tough times or current imperfect conditions in our present lives affect us adversely. Maybe these obstacles or 'impossible situations' are actually going to lead us to where we need to get to. Or at least that's my interpretation.

For today, tonight or tomorrow, let's think about what great opportunities we may presently be faced with and how we may see them as impossible situations. How do we fix them? How do we turn it around? Perhaps a slight alteration in how we view our world or even in how we react to the people and places around us? Or maybe it's a bit harder than that?

I know I'm going to be looking at my current sitch - surroundings and the circumstances that got me to where I am - with new eyes. Perhaps a little adversity is sometimes needed in order to grow into a more becoming person.

Inspiration Lives In Unexpected Places...

Or so it seems for me today. It's a rainy, dreary, damp day here in my neighborhood. I got up really early this morning and was ready to go out and take a walk. Might have been a good idea to check what the weather was going to be like.

But even still, as I looked out my window and realized it was raining and pouring "cats and doggies," I decided, "what the heck" and went for a walk just the same. I removed my "fun" umbrella, that I splurged on a year ago at a trendy little shop near Yale University, from its place on the floor of the backseat of my car, and packed up my camera and a few other essentials into my favorite vest and off I went exploring the hills and valleys of my area.

While I strolled along the streets, I became aware of the houses, the cats in the front windows, the dogs in the yards, the decorations on the front steps of various homes -- sights I rarely notice when I am running by these same locations on my daily jogs. The 3.1 miles seemed much longer but somehow there was so much more to notice, to see, to explore. I listened to the sounds of the highway traffic, the splashes from tires of passing cars, the barking of dogs I could not see. My senses seemed to be heightened.

With each step I took, each place I passed, I felt more invigorated to keep on walking, trying out new streets that I'd never gone down before. What an adventure! My usual half hour jog turned into a two hour exploration! I started thinking about how much more I want out of my life and how easy it really can be to find new ways of thinking and motivating myself to try new methods to achieve those goals.

Needless to say, when I arrived back at my home, umbrella still firmly gripped in my hand, unexpected inspiration in my back pocket and a few new photos snapped for my collection, I felt a little melancholy about leaving the raindrops. I think I'll check the weather forecast and the next rainy day that is predicted, I'll get out my trusty umbrella and go for another stroll.

Until that moment, I'm off to find other activities that will jolt my energy. I hope you all can find some of those same types of joys in your day and weekend!

Think On These Things...

Here it is a Sunday, and it's rather grey outside my window, very calm. It's one of those days where I don't turn on any lights but open all my blinds so it brings the "brightness" of the melancholy day into my apartment. I'm rested, refreshed and ready to take on all the projects that I have set out for myself which include reading, working on a collage, trying out a cleaning home remedy, writing up my bio, and tidying up around my home, amongst a much longer list.

Made pancakes for breakfast, bought two newspapers which I leisurely perused for the better part of the morning, while also tuning into one of my favorite programs, "Sunday Morning" on CBS. I then shut off the TV (I'm one of those rare persons of my generation who does not have cable so there isn't much to watch on a Sunday) and have been listening to my local "oldies" music station, enjoying the likes of Elton John, the Beatles, Harry Nilsson, Simon and Garfunkel as well as many of their classmates, and it's been delightful.

Listening to all this old music has made me nostalgic for simpler days. Days where I dreamed of my future and what it might be like. Who I might be, what I might be doing, and whom might I be doing this with or for? And yet, at an age where I feel like I should have more answers than I do to those questions, I am realizing that those days do not have to be considered days past.

I remember as a child going on family vacations or visits to my grandma's house in Pennsylvania - a six-hour car trek both ways made two, sometimes three times a year - and while we traveled I would listen to the music on the radio and look out the window, dreaming of who I'd be as a "grown up." I always envisioned myself as someone famous. People would love me, they would want to be near me, want to be in my world. I would "rub elbows" with all the "glitterati" of Hollywood, have a posh apartment in a glamorous city, wearing fancy outfits and enjoying luxurious foods, drinks and places that I could only fantasize about in my wonderful imagination.

And as I sit here at my computer, knowing full well that I am not a famous person, I still hope that someday I will fulfill some of those dreams. Perhaps I will become famous in my own time. I will be a famous collage maker or writer.

I do not hang out with anyone from Hollywood (although I do know some people who are published authors and I consider famous) nor do I live in a posh apartment (although it is in a pretty amazing location if I do say so myself) and my world is pretty ordinary. But, that doesn't mean it has to stay this way. It doesn't mean I can't still dream of the future.

Why do we do that? Decide that if those dreams we set out for ourselves as children haven't come to fruition, we must put those dreams aside or on a shelf and settle? I mean, yes, times have changed, responsibilities have changed, but why does the dreaming have to stop? I think we should all keep on dreaming, but also put some hard work behind those dreams to give them a shot of coming true.

Because, before you know it, maybe the "glittery" people will be knocking on my door? In the meantime, I'm going to get back to my to do list AND do some more dreaming.

ShelGee Communications

Hello everyone,

Here's my first announcement to all of you that I'm going to try to start up a little "free" business. My business is going to be called: ShelGee Communications.

Let me explain some details. I'd like to provide my skills: writing, editing, proofreading, event planning, digital photography and blogging to various local businesses or people who need some assistance in these areas. I've got over 7 years of business/marketing communications experience. And while I look for the next career path for myself I'd like to gain more visibility in the local community and help others.

Essentially I'd like to provide free advertorials for small businesses who may not be able to do so on their own, or proofread and edit documents or even write up press releases or other types of collateral that might be needed. I'm providing my services for free as I'm not sure I'm ready to finance a business yet for myself and until I can get myself more established I'd like to offer my services for free.

The best way to contact me is via my email: griffis.shel@juno.com. If you want to pass along this information to anyone you know who might like to utilize my expertise, I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't have a website yet, but hope to figure out how to create one (if anyone has expertise or knowledge on this, I'd TRULY be grateful for the help) so until that time, this is the best way for me to alert and advertise my business and my skills.

Thank you in advance for letting me share this with all of you. I'm excited for this new venture! Have a groovy day!

The Bright Side of Life...Whistle With Me?

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." - Goethe

A week of lying in bed and lounging on the couch drinking fluids and wishing I could breathe really gave me time to think. I guess that's what being sick can do. But I'm tip top now. And back to my 'ole positive self. Wait...hmmm...

Ok, I'm TRYING to be positive. The thing is, and if you've been following my blog you know this is my constant state of dilemma, I have my moments of uncertainty. Those times when I think I'm on a path, headed in a direction, knowing what I want and how to get there, and then there are moments, when I don't have a clue.

But, in my sedentary state, it occurred to me that I need to get moving. And even if things aren't happening as fast as I'd like or in the manner I wish them to, does not mean things are not going anywhere.

I just have to remember to stay positive. After all, "It's easy to wallow in the dark. It's a brave choice to be happy." I read that somewhere once and I think it's true. And here's one more: "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." - Goethe

No matter where you are today, tonight, tomorrow...just remember that your attitude is what helps you get where you want to go. And helps you along the way to getting there. I'll try to stay positive, if you will?

Everything Happens For a Reason...

A breakup. A new job. A death. A move. When friends part ways.

Just a few of the major events in the lives of people I know, including myself. And these events shape us, change us, move us forward. Or, in some cases, move us in a completely new direction.

I was talking with a friend today about how lately I've felt like I'm the backwards version of Robert Frost's "I took the road less traveled and that has made all the difference." I feel like I've taken the road everyone's traveled and I haven't really blazed my own trail. I haven't really done anything with my life. I've played it safe. And gosh darn it, I want to stop doing the same thing, following the same pattern. I need to risk more and perhaps I will gain more.

I've been told, "Everything happens for a reason." And I want to believe this is true. Sometimes it doesn't feel true, but I can't prove otherwise. I mean sometimes we don't know why something has happened in our life until many days, weeks, months or even years later. And maybe we never know why certain things happen. But maybe we're not supposed to. Even so, it's almost comforting to know that perhaps whatever we do is our life. Or maybe not so comforting? Hmmmm...I'm still contemplating this concept.

So, perhaps all the choices I've made so far have led me to this point in my life, for a reason. I mean, why not right? And while I don't know what the reason is yet, I am willing to explore the possibility that I have some more choices to make, easy and hard. I will take those chances, er choices, to make a life for myself that I am proud of. A life that I am excited to be living.

That being said, I know that whatever choices I make, however small or large, will shape my future. That's a given. And while I am always hoping that the choices I make will lead me to someplace I'm truly happy with, I have to accept that there are bound to be many more mistakes and misjudgements, mixed in with happy accidents and kismet.

So, I'm gonna bypass the "road more traveled" and opt instead to kick a few stones and scuff the dirt to create a path all my own. I urge those who read this to do the same.

Carpe Diem!

What Lies Ahead

Change. A concept that is feared by some, embraced by others.

Lately, it's the topic of much discussion between me and several of my friends. That yearning to shake things up a bit. Whether moving out of state, moving out of their current home, going to school, finding a new job, finding a new career, breaking up with someone, starting to date someone new, it's the possibility that things in our lives can somehow be different.

But...therein lies the challenge. How much do we want that change? How do we know it's time? What do we do to make it happen? And how much do we risk in making that change?

Sometimes it's better to try than to look back, years from now, and wonder. Because as a good friend of mine said to me the other day - you have to make mistakes to grow. If you make a mistake, you learn. And I think that's a wonderful concept. One I'm going to hold onto as I keep striding down this road towards my unknown, my next step in my journey of change.

And I encourage you to grab a hold of what your dream, your idea of change, your concept of something new is. Don't be scared of it, don't let it stop you. Remember, if you make a mistake, it's okay.

As Anais Nin once said, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." And to quote Erica Jong, "And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk more."

So, go and be bold! The world is yours!

Here and Now

Why is it that we are never content with what we have? Why are we always searching for something else? Do we not know that we have talents we can use right now, we have dreams we can fulfill? I guess I say this because I've been doing a little bit of cleaning around my home and find myself ensconced in nostalgia.

Ah, memories. Of what we once wanted, of what we think we can never have. I find that I have not changed that much over the years, and yet I have changed a lot. Contradiction? Perhaps. Or possibly growth. The realization that we have parts of us that will always want or need certain things, and then there are those other sides to us, ones we may not let the world see, that are actually pushing us, secretly, further. Pushing us to explore and go where we think we cannot.

I'm hoping that I can use those hidden motivators, as they do sneak up on me, and burst out of my rut, and into the beyond. Into that future, that for now seems a little daunting, but when I look back in a few years, I will understand that it is what I needed, more than anything, at this time in my life.

And while I may be taking two steps forward, I might need to take one step back. But I will get there, wherever it is I'm supposed to be. Until then, I'm just going to remember that time waits for no one, and I will try to enjoy what I do have in my life, right now. That's very important. At least I think so.

What do you do to motivate yourself? How do you conquer the daily grind and still exlore your passions?

Shout Out

During this past week I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute I'm happy and excited, the next I'm nervous, stressed and feeling like I'm about to have a panic attack. I can't believe tomorrow is already Friday! Each day I wake up and feel like I have to figure everything out in that day!

And while I'm learning that perhaps I need to calm down, breathe and just realize this time now is for me, and I can make it how I want, I still get that twitchy feeling in my stomach and this voice in my head that taunts me saying, "What do you want? How do you see your life?"

As I fight this internal battle, I am starting to learn something, not only about myself, but about my friends. I have the greatest friends a girl could ask for. Whether it's support via the internet, on the phone, or in person, I have a wonderful network of people in my world and I hope you all know who you are. They are all rooting for me, being there for me and I wouldn't be able to get through each and every day without them.

So, for tonight, I want to send a shout out to all my friends and say thank you for being there - for giving me advice, for listening, for helping me to stop for a minute and understand that I need to take this journey one day at a time. I'll get there.

My Life, or Something Like It...

It's Sunday. Not much going on. It snowed last night, so I've been inside most of the day. Contemplating going outside. Being cooped up in my place has definitely given me more time to think.

Just called my mom and asked if she wanted to go for a walk. She declined. I said "Well, since you work I can't call you and ask you to go for a walk in the middle of the day during the week." And she replied: "Well, soon you won't be able to go for a walk during the day either. Don't you want a job?"

And, of course, the good girl that I am, replied, "Yes, of course. But I want a job I want, not just any ole job."

Truthfully, if my mischievous alter ego had a chance to respond she'd say, "I don't want just a job, I want a life. I want to live unconventionally. I want to write and take photos and travel. I want to explore the world. I don't want to be tied down to a nine-to-five existence."

Not only do I want a life, I want to meet a great man who's interesting, charming, smart, sexy as hell and hilarious. A man who thinks I'm fabulous, even on my bad days. One I can talk to and share my most intimate thoughts with. Someone who challenges me, roots for me. Someone who I can build up and motivate and flirt with, as well as lean on when I'm not as strong as I like to believe I am. Someone who gets me; someone I connect with, click with.

And with this "partner in crime," per se, I want to live a life that's fun and exciting to me, to us, with just the right amount of drama added in. I want to be free, to take risks, and to not just do things because everyone else would agree with them or say - "That's how I'd do it."

Is that too much to ask?

Go For It!

Hello everyone,

Just having some fun in my blog and thought I'd try adding a photo. I'm not sure what I wanted to say, but that's probably because I'm not quite awake yet as I haven't gone for my morning run.

Therefore while I digest my breakfast and do a few stretches, I thought I'd pose a question. If you could do anything and knew you wouldn't fail at it, what would you do?

I'd be curious to hear some of your thoughts. Have a groovy day!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Hello!
For those of you who have found my blog, welcome. I'm a "blogger virgin" so bear with me. However, as a writer, a creative type, if you will, I'm excited to share some of my thoughts with all of you. Today I am just starting out in this world of blogging, but it's apropos for my current state of mind.

For the past few weeks, I've been on a "temporary retirement" from work and trying to figure out what my next adventure will be. I'm debating leaving the New England area for warmer climates, or even thousands of miles. I'm grappling with a dilemma the Clash defines for me so well, "Should I stay or should I go now?"

Do I leave the familiar or do I stay? And whether I stay or go, what am I going to do here or there? Will I try to be a freelancer? Will I work for a big corporation or a smaller agency? Do I want to write for a living? Do I even want to be in communications?

I was telling my friend over lunch, I worry that if I leave everyone and everything behind that I know, will I get homesick and lonely and all for a job? But if I stay, will I always be wondering what else is out there for me?

So much to think about, or in my case, overthink about. But, I know I will get there. At least I hope so. I kind of have to. Any ideas? Any thoughts? If anyone wants to share any insights I'd be happy to have them.