Rebirth

Do you ever have one of those days? Or even one of those weeks? The ones where you feel like nothing is going your way? You always seem to say the wrong thing, or you can't seem to get yourself moving in the right direction? Maybe you are striding forward physically but inside of you it feels like your thoughts and actions are in slow motion? That's been me for the past week or two. Just not sure where to go, what to do, who I am, what I want out of my life.

But, in the reality of this "down" period, I know that it is only temporary. I do know who I am and what I want, but I've hit the proverbial "brick wall" within myself and can't seem to push forward. And sometimes it takes a force outside my own psyche to get me to reach down, find those crevices or cracks in that wall and start pulling them apart, brick by brick. To uncover something undiscovered about myself. Since it's me living with me on a constant one-on-one basis it's hard to give myself new ideas when I feel like that's all I continually do - search for inspiration on what angles or actions will prove more fruitful results - whether to move me forward in my job search or how to approach situations in my personal life.

A friend once said to me, on a really awful day in my past, "You can either look at today as the worst day ever OR you can think about this as the day when your life starts again." And, that's what I'm doing today.

I met with a friend, who I have not seen in quite some time, and it was one of the most wonderful conversations I've ever had. We shared ideas, exchanged stories about similar situations we are facing, and really ignited a new bond. One I hope will continue for many years to come. And while it was only a few hours on a cloudy Wednesday morning, it made it feel as if the sun was shining brightly, the proverbial sky had opened and all of a sudden, I was ready to get out there and get moving! And not in slow motion!

So, today is a new day. A day that is the start of something amazing. A new me. Someone who realizes there will be more grey days in the future, but that I can still find inspiration in my friends, my family or perhaps even someone I meet at a library seminar. The possibilities are endless.

And I believe that for everyone. I pose the question: What's holding you back in your life? I say go find that friend, that relative, or even that place that inspires you and visit with them or spend time in that place and regroup, reconnect, and rouse your spirits into a rebirth of your own!

Wonder and Whimsy

A little girl saved my life today.

On my morning walk, I was strolling around the neighborhoods near my home. I had my iPod nano's earbuds tucked tight into my earlobes and I was getting into my groove. My mind was jumping from new ideas on how to brand myself to prior conversations I had with my friends, and I was thinking of my future and all of a sudden I could feel my chest tighten.

How was I going to do all that I wanted and what if things didn't work out like I had always hoped they would? I began to ponder this thought a little bit too deeply and get myself "wrapped around the axle" as one of my friends likes to say to me. Luckily I was looking around and just happened to see the cutest little girl, probably around three to four years of age, with blond curls, sitting barefoot on her parents' front porch step, coloring joyfully. As I passed her on the sidewalk, she suddenly looked up from her artwork and smiled this big smile at me. So, I waved at her and she waved back and giggled.

And then, I giggled.

As quickly as the moment happened, she was gone. Scampering back into the house with her book, probably to show her mom her handiwork. But the moment didn't last as quickly for me. The image of this smiling, jubilent child stayed with me all day.

It was like she was telling me, "Have fun. Relax. Enjoy life." In some ways I felt like she was me at that age, full of enthusiasm and energy, not worrying about anything more than when daddy's coming home from work or where my favorite toy was.

I wanted to treasure that moment. That gift she gave me. If not for her, who knows where my mind would have taken me. And I'm grateful for having taken that walk and met this little angel. She will never know what she's done, but I will.

Remember, sometimes the people we smile at might need it more than we do. It's not so hard to do, right? I hope, no matter what your mindset is today, you will think back to days when you may have been more carefree and let those moments guide you to be a bit more relaxed and joyous in the present.

Strolling with Grandma to See the Alligators

Hello my dear readers,

Today I spent the better part of my day with my family -- my parents, my aunts, my uncles and my cousins. We came together to mourn and celebrate the life of my beloved Grandma Elsie. She passed away peacefully on Monday, after a full 89 years of life.

Now, for those of you who didn't know her, she was a very special woman. She grew up in North Carolina, became a nurse in the Army, met my Granddad, a fellow Army officer, and fell in love. They married and moved to Connecticut. And after more than six decades of living up North, she never lost her Southern drawl. That, or her zest for life and the ability to tell wonderful stories. She was a great fan of hummingbirds, mallard ducks and alligators. Alligators?

Yes, alligators. The ones that live in the streams and creeks around the Elmwood section of West Hartford, CT. That's where my Grandma Elsie lived. You didn't know there were alligators in Connecticut? Let me tell you a story.

When I was a kid, my Grandma Elsie used to take me on strolls around her neighborhood. She did this with all six of her grandchildren. It was a timely ritual. She would hold our hands, hum little tunes and listen to us as we told her about whatever was on our minds.

On our walks we would pass many little ripples of water, bubbling over small and large stones, trickling along quietly. And my Grandma Elsie would stop, tell me I had to be very quiet as we looked, amazed, at the water below. "Don't you see them?" she would ask. "See what?" I know I was in awe. What were we looking for down below?

"Shhh. Look closely. Did you see it? The alligator?"

I would crane my neck, stand on tip toe, almost lose my balance as I leaned on the metal fence, all that stood between me and the ferocious creatures living languidly in their peaceful suburban sanctity, as I tried and tried and tried to see these reptiles. And I would strain and stretch my body as far as I could take it. I'd shade my eyes when the sun was in them. I would tilt my head to the side ever so slightly and squint. But somehow I never saw an alligator.

After a few minutes of the search, I would reveal my disappointment at having missed them. Grandma Elsie would just smile and say, "Maybe you didn't see them today, but perhaps next time you will." And on every walk, it was the same game. But, even as I got older, and realized perhaps the alligators could only be seen with my imagination, I still can't help but look down at streams, rivers and other bodies of water in the streets near where I live to try to see if there are any alligators.

I mean, why not right?

With a heavy, yet hopeful heart, I let the angels lift you up to heaven, Grandma Elsie. You were loved and will always be loved. Thank you for introducing me to the alligators. But more importantly, thank you for inspiring me to always see beyond what's right in front of me and realize how powerful my dreams can be.

Luck

Anyone feeling superstitious? It's 09/09/09. It's just a date. A Wednesday in September, right? But somehow there's a whole lotta hoopla associated with the fact it's the same number three times. To me, it's just kind of a cool coincidence. My paternal grandmother was born on 12/12/12 and a friend of mine was born 6/6/66.

To numerologists, mathematicians, or those who study astrology it may mean something more. In some cultures I read that it's a lucky day to get married.

I find it fascinating by what we believe brings about luck, happiness, good things. Some people carry around a particular item like a rabbit's foot or perhaps if they are an athlete they may wear the same socks that they wore when they hit a home run, won a race, made a touchdown. I find no harm in that. I mean, if it makes us happy or feel more powerful, why not right? I admit I've been known to wear a particular outfit because I feel so good when I'm wearing it or follow the same routine when it led to a more productive outcome on another day.

Do any of you have certain things you wear or carry, patterns you follow or actions you take that you find bring you good luck? Or maybe you think it's all hooey? I'd be curious to hear what you all think.

*Image from Google, The Garden Helper.com

Baby Steps...

(Recommended song to listen to while reading: Feist, I Feel It All)

Patience, forgiveness, a better body – all these things can take time to be achieved.

And everyone has those goals in their lives that they want to reach. But each of us has our own road blocks that seem to hinder us in the process. Those obstacles, or in some case, brick walls, that we run across that stop us from getting to where we want or need to get to. And we all know what they are for us. Perhaps our fears of failure, or a past experience or person is holding us back?

I know, speaking for myself, I wish for a new job, a published novel and a pair of Manolo Blahniks. These are all things I can achieve, but they aren’t going to happen overnight. I need to keep networking, applying to online job boards and working hard to promote myself in order to get a new job. I need to keep writing and eventually shop my finished manuscript to a publisher. And in order to strut my stuff in the fancy footwear I crave, I need to save more money.

But the expression states: Good things come to those who wait. Really, is this true? We have to WAIT for good things? They don’t just occur, like sunny days and giggling babies? I mean, according to this expression we shouldn’t do anything if we want to have good things in our lives. We should just sit and ponder about those dreams. And then, these goals we set, these items we crave, these needs we have will just be fulfilled.

Or perhaps I’m taking the saying a bit too literally. I think maybe it's a good thing for us to take it one day at a time in order to get to that place, own that item or meet that goal we’ve set for ourselves. Every day we should spend just a little time towards these ambitions and then we can get closer and closer to those good things. Might help us get to know ourselves and what we value just a little bit better.

In my experience many of us tend to hold onto things we don’t really need, or keep surrounding ourselves with people that we’ve outgrown, just because they are what we’re used to or comfortable with having around. Why do we keep the familiar and hesitate to embrace the unknown?

I want to be that person who can overcome my failings and learn something from my mistakes. I am striving every day to become someone who can wait for good things (while working bit by bit to get there), be more forgiving when I am hurt or feel that I’ve been wronged, and do my best to get my body stronger and leaner.

And while I may not be able to get everything I want, I will try to be happy with what I have. For now, I just have to take it one day at a time.

Dancing in September...

As the temperature begins to get cooler, the birds start to fly south and the kids go back to school, it's a sign that September is here. Now, I know the official start to fall isn't for a few weeks, but just the changing of the months from August to September, puts me in a nostalgic mood. I remember the days of picking out new outfits to wear, storing t-shirts, shorts and flip flops in a drawer and pulling out sweaters, chorduroy pants and loafers. Or packing up the car with various crates, clothes and electronic devices for the trek back to college.

For me it's a time of hope. My mind wanders back to how I felt as a kid or a teenager. The prospect of a new year that begins in September. New adventures to be had, new people to meet, maybe even the possibility of a new romance. Something about September makes me ready for change and optimistic that it's just around the corner.

New television programs and new episodes of favorite shows begin as the calendar pages flip forward to the ninth month. School buses are everywhere causing traffic to slow down a bit on back roads and highways while people are trying to get to their offices. In the evenings, the sound of children's laughter echoes more prominently as they try to hold on to those last few weeks of daylight before it turns dark. And the night starts to come sooner, just a little bit darker earlier and earlier every night.

Yes, it's only September 2, but I'm excited at the idea of what the rest of this month, and in turn, the upcoming new season, will bring. Anyone else craving a new notebook to write in or a new addition to their wardrobe as we watch the peeking of bright colors on the trees in our neighborhoods?