Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of…

Ever have those times when you recall a memory of a time or a place or an event, maybe it’s brought on by a song, or a line in a movie, or just by something you overhear in a diner, and that “trigger” leads to a “place” you haven’t visited in awhile. Sometimes it’s a place that you smile fondly at when you remember back to that time – whether it was having ice cream on a summer afternoon with friends, taking a hike up a hill with a pal, or even just having a long chat with a buddy you hadn’t seen in a long time – and in that flash of that particular moment, you feel happy. You let that scene play out in front of you, and are content.

But what about those other times, those few seconds that seem to last an eternity, when you start to think back to an evening or perhaps an encounter where in a mere moment, you said something or did something that changed the course of your future in a most unpleasant way. And, when you are brought back to that spot, to that situation, you replay it over and over again, not because you want to, but because you can’t seem to get it out of your head. Because in that instant you just wish you could go back, and do or say something different, something that will inexplicably “fix” whatever error you made, signal you sent forward, message you conveyed, that messed up the course of that friendship, that relationship, forever.

Anyone else know what I’m talking about?

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

We all do it, at one time or another – we worry. This worry can be over something real or imagined; in front of us or something we create in our minds.

Worry means, according to Webster’s New World Dictionary, to harass or treat roughly with or as with continual biting or tearing with the teeth; to pluck at, push on, touch, etc. repeatedly in a nervous or determined way; to annoy, bother, harass, vex, etc.; to cause to feel troubled or uneasy; make anxious; distress.

I think that last definition: to cause to feel troubled or uneasy; make anxious; distress, really describes my feelings, as of late. I seem to be unable to calm my mind – I am constantly on edge. I know it’s a plethora of troubles – personal and professional – and I know the best thing to do is not worry, but I can’t help it, it’s part of my nature.

I know that worrying doesn’t help anything. Often times it leads us to believe things that aren’t true. For me, my mind is good at coming up with all sorts of false scenarios that I believe must be true. I work myself up into a frenzy and convince myself that this idea, this concept I have created, is real. Then I focus all my energy onto it and hold on tight. It looms over me, lurks around every corner, every crevice of my mind. I get myself all tense and it’s awful. I just can’t relax or “get a grip.” I tend to pace the floor and often times I cry. What’s worse is I tend to talk my friends ears off over and over about the problems I am worrying about and then worry about that as well – that I will alienate them.

But, I am trying to think of ways to ease my stress. I am learning that exercising, being around people who make me smile and laugh, and trying to control the parts of my world, my life, my thinking that I can, I will. And remember, that this too, shall pass.

Anyone else out there worrying about anything? If so, I’d love to hear your remedies for easing that burden.

What Do You Value?

In these tough economical times, with so many people unemployed and those that are employed constantly doing everything they can to keep in that way, everyone seems to be cutting back. People are living with less, or trying to save more and figure out what they can live without.

Restaurants are offering all sorts of deals, at least in my area, to encourage people to eat out. They have "Restaurant Week" where various establishments are offering a choice of an appetizer, a meal and a dessert for $20.09. And there aren't many places where you can go these days and get a three-course meal for that price. So, it's appealing for friends and couples to go out and "splurge."

I know many of my friends and I are looking for ways to be more thrify by engaging in activities such as walking, having a glass of wine at each other's places, or meeting to discuss a book. We are learning that it is not always about going out or spending tons of money in order to have fun. And, truthfully, I think many of us have always felt that way.

When times are tough I think while we feel strain on our purse strings, we look towards what we have control over - growing the bonds of friendship, spending time with our loved ones, taking better care of ourselves. It helps us feel more positive by surrounding ourselves with those who matter most to us.

At least that's the one of the lessons I've taken away during this past year.

Therefore, I pose these thoughts to all of you: What do you value? What can you live without? How are you handling the current recession? Any advice or insights to share?

Try New Things...

Hello and welcome to October! Here in New England the leaves are changing from green to red to yellow and orange. Such beautiful colors and a refreshing new look to the landscape.

As the season changes, as the scenery morphs into something "new" it reminds me that I, too, can mold myself. I'm an everchanging being. We all are.

There's an expression, "Live today like it's your last day." Maybe that's a hard concept to follow all the time, but it's something to think about.Whether it's trying a new drink or teaching a class, don't hesitate to say yes, even if you are uncertain of the results. I didn't know if I would like my pumpkin spice latte but it was delightful. And I haven't taught my class yet, but since a voice that sounded just like myself answered a resounding "YES!" when asked if I would be interested in developing and teaching a class, I realized that I can surprise myself all the time. And while the idea of speaking in front of others makes my palms sweat and my heart beat really fast, I believe that I can do it.

So, here's where I extend my thoughts forward to all of you - what are you going to say yes to this week? Or this month? You might just be excited by the outcome.

Rebirth

Do you ever have one of those days? Or even one of those weeks? The ones where you feel like nothing is going your way? You always seem to say the wrong thing, or you can't seem to get yourself moving in the right direction? Maybe you are striding forward physically but inside of you it feels like your thoughts and actions are in slow motion? That's been me for the past week or two. Just not sure where to go, what to do, who I am, what I want out of my life.

But, in the reality of this "down" period, I know that it is only temporary. I do know who I am and what I want, but I've hit the proverbial "brick wall" within myself and can't seem to push forward. And sometimes it takes a force outside my own psyche to get me to reach down, find those crevices or cracks in that wall and start pulling them apart, brick by brick. To uncover something undiscovered about myself. Since it's me living with me on a constant one-on-one basis it's hard to give myself new ideas when I feel like that's all I continually do - search for inspiration on what angles or actions will prove more fruitful results - whether to move me forward in my job search or how to approach situations in my personal life.

A friend once said to me, on a really awful day in my past, "You can either look at today as the worst day ever OR you can think about this as the day when your life starts again." And, that's what I'm doing today.

I met with a friend, who I have not seen in quite some time, and it was one of the most wonderful conversations I've ever had. We shared ideas, exchanged stories about similar situations we are facing, and really ignited a new bond. One I hope will continue for many years to come. And while it was only a few hours on a cloudy Wednesday morning, it made it feel as if the sun was shining brightly, the proverbial sky had opened and all of a sudden, I was ready to get out there and get moving! And not in slow motion!

So, today is a new day. A day that is the start of something amazing. A new me. Someone who realizes there will be more grey days in the future, but that I can still find inspiration in my friends, my family or perhaps even someone I meet at a library seminar. The possibilities are endless.

And I believe that for everyone. I pose the question: What's holding you back in your life? I say go find that friend, that relative, or even that place that inspires you and visit with them or spend time in that place and regroup, reconnect, and rouse your spirits into a rebirth of your own!

Wonder and Whimsy

A little girl saved my life today.

On my morning walk, I was strolling around the neighborhoods near my home. I had my iPod nano's earbuds tucked tight into my earlobes and I was getting into my groove. My mind was jumping from new ideas on how to brand myself to prior conversations I had with my friends, and I was thinking of my future and all of a sudden I could feel my chest tighten.

How was I going to do all that I wanted and what if things didn't work out like I had always hoped they would? I began to ponder this thought a little bit too deeply and get myself "wrapped around the axle" as one of my friends likes to say to me. Luckily I was looking around and just happened to see the cutest little girl, probably around three to four years of age, with blond curls, sitting barefoot on her parents' front porch step, coloring joyfully. As I passed her on the sidewalk, she suddenly looked up from her artwork and smiled this big smile at me. So, I waved at her and she waved back and giggled.

And then, I giggled.

As quickly as the moment happened, she was gone. Scampering back into the house with her book, probably to show her mom her handiwork. But the moment didn't last as quickly for me. The image of this smiling, jubilent child stayed with me all day.

It was like she was telling me, "Have fun. Relax. Enjoy life." In some ways I felt like she was me at that age, full of enthusiasm and energy, not worrying about anything more than when daddy's coming home from work or where my favorite toy was.

I wanted to treasure that moment. That gift she gave me. If not for her, who knows where my mind would have taken me. And I'm grateful for having taken that walk and met this little angel. She will never know what she's done, but I will.

Remember, sometimes the people we smile at might need it more than we do. It's not so hard to do, right? I hope, no matter what your mindset is today, you will think back to days when you may have been more carefree and let those moments guide you to be a bit more relaxed and joyous in the present.

Strolling with Grandma to See the Alligators

Hello my dear readers,

Today I spent the better part of my day with my family -- my parents, my aunts, my uncles and my cousins. We came together to mourn and celebrate the life of my beloved Grandma Elsie. She passed away peacefully on Monday, after a full 89 years of life.

Now, for those of you who didn't know her, she was a very special woman. She grew up in North Carolina, became a nurse in the Army, met my Granddad, a fellow Army officer, and fell in love. They married and moved to Connecticut. And after more than six decades of living up North, she never lost her Southern drawl. That, or her zest for life and the ability to tell wonderful stories. She was a great fan of hummingbirds, mallard ducks and alligators. Alligators?

Yes, alligators. The ones that live in the streams and creeks around the Elmwood section of West Hartford, CT. That's where my Grandma Elsie lived. You didn't know there were alligators in Connecticut? Let me tell you a story.

When I was a kid, my Grandma Elsie used to take me on strolls around her neighborhood. She did this with all six of her grandchildren. It was a timely ritual. She would hold our hands, hum little tunes and listen to us as we told her about whatever was on our minds.

On our walks we would pass many little ripples of water, bubbling over small and large stones, trickling along quietly. And my Grandma Elsie would stop, tell me I had to be very quiet as we looked, amazed, at the water below. "Don't you see them?" she would ask. "See what?" I know I was in awe. What were we looking for down below?

"Shhh. Look closely. Did you see it? The alligator?"

I would crane my neck, stand on tip toe, almost lose my balance as I leaned on the metal fence, all that stood between me and the ferocious creatures living languidly in their peaceful suburban sanctity, as I tried and tried and tried to see these reptiles. And I would strain and stretch my body as far as I could take it. I'd shade my eyes when the sun was in them. I would tilt my head to the side ever so slightly and squint. But somehow I never saw an alligator.

After a few minutes of the search, I would reveal my disappointment at having missed them. Grandma Elsie would just smile and say, "Maybe you didn't see them today, but perhaps next time you will." And on every walk, it was the same game. But, even as I got older, and realized perhaps the alligators could only be seen with my imagination, I still can't help but look down at streams, rivers and other bodies of water in the streets near where I live to try to see if there are any alligators.

I mean, why not right?

With a heavy, yet hopeful heart, I let the angels lift you up to heaven, Grandma Elsie. You were loved and will always be loved. Thank you for introducing me to the alligators. But more importantly, thank you for inspiring me to always see beyond what's right in front of me and realize how powerful my dreams can be.