Past Present

"[She] doesn't cry now; she's far too busy for anything like that. Still, there are mornings when she wakes with tears in her eyes. That's when she knows she's been dreaming about him. And although she never remembers her dreams, there's always the scent of grass on her pillow, as if the past were something that could come back to you, if you only wished hard enough, if you were brave enough to call out his name." from Alice Hoffman's Here on Earth.

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone so badly but you can't? And it's not because this person died, or even moved away. It's just that you can't be in their life anymore. Although you might hear about him or her from other people once in awhile, see a photo of that person, you know, in your heart, you can never talk to this person again? Even if you could, what would you say? What good would it really do?

Lately, I've been thinking about a person from my life, past life if you will, and wishing I could turn back the clock to see him, talk to them, get a hug, maybe a kiss. It feels as though I am in a dream. A dream where everyone else can communicate with this person but even tho I am thisclose to touching him, whispering his name, he can't see or hear me because essentially, I'm invisible to him.

And while I know it's for the best, I know it won't do any good to try to see or speak to this person, my heart still aches and I miss him sometimes. I miss the part of my life he filled. The way he made me laugh and the way he made me feel.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? Is there someone you feel you can almost reach, but somehow can't? Someone you miss from your past? I'd love to hear your stories...

Baby Steps...

(Recommended song to listen to while reading: Feist, I Feel It All)

Patience, forgiveness, a better body – all these things can take time to be achieved.

And everyone has those goals in their lives that they want to reach. But each of us has our own road blocks that seem to hinder us in the process. Those obstacles, or in some case, brick walls, that we run across that stop us from getting to where we want or need to get to. And we all know what they are for us. Perhaps our fears of failure, or a past experience or person is holding us back?

I know, speaking for myself, I wish for a new job, a published novel and a pair of Manolo Blahniks. These are all things I can achieve, but they aren’t going to happen overnight. I need to keep networking, applying to online job boards and working hard to promote myself in order to get a new job. I need to keep writing and eventually shop my finished manuscript to a publisher. And in order to strut my stuff in the fancy footwear I crave, I need to save more money.

But the expression states: Good things come to those who wait. Really, is this true? We have to WAIT for good things? They don’t just occur, like sunny days and giggling babies? I mean, according to this expression we shouldn’t do anything if we want to have good things in our lives. We should just sit and ponder about those dreams. And then, these goals we set, these items we crave, these needs we have will just be fulfilled.

Or perhaps I’m taking the saying a bit too literally. I think maybe it's a good thing for us to take it one day at a time in order to get to that place, own that item or meet that goal we’ve set for ourselves. Every day we should spend just a little time towards these ambitions and then we can get closer and closer to those good things. Might help us get to know ourselves and what we value just a little bit better.

In my experience many of us tend to hold onto things we don’t really need, or keep surrounding ourselves with people that we’ve outgrown, just because they are what we’re used to or comfortable with having around. Why do we keep the familiar and hesitate to embrace the unknown?

I want to be that person who can overcome my failings and learn something from my mistakes. I am striving every day to become someone who can wait for good things (while working bit by bit to get there), be more forgiving when I am hurt or feel that I’ve been wronged, and do my best to get my body stronger and leaner.

And while I may not be able to get everything I want, I will try to be happy with what I have. For now, I just have to take it one day at a time.